why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
