Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
