the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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