I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
