can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
