it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
