we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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