I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
