Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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