im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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