Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
