would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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