I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
