remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
