this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize