i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
