APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
