The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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