my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
