There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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