your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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