i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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