You're my little dorito
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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