SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
