The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
