I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
