She announced her abortion via fbk
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
