Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I am morally bankrupt
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
