he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
