it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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