yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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