Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
now i know why i became what i already was.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
