I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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