My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
