today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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