remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
