rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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