dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
