He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
