I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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