thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
