I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
