Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I want to stick my p in your. b.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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