Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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