i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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