I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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