I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
