she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
