Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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