I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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