So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
