My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize