Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
