my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
