Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
