I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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