I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
