Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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