dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
