Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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