I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
