I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
