dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
