If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
