I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
