So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
