my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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