I didn't shave. On purpose
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
