why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
