We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
our cab driver is having phone sex.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
