I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
