I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
