arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
