I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
