Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
