I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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