I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
